My (eventually) (intentionally) Pathetic Valentine’s Day
Happy Valentine’s Day everybody! I am by myself for this one, and I was bummed out about it, but then I decided to embrace it. (and no, not in a lame faux-independence celebrating girly wining turning into whining sort of way). This isn’t a pity party folks, it’s a pity PAR-TAY! It began with a poorly scheduled root canal and then avalanched into a waking up too early codeine exhaustion gala – and I went with it, I pushed it, I embarrassed myself in a delightfully silly way.
Ok, so here is what my day has been like: (and to be clear, this reads as sad, but I had a fun day trying to be my saddest)
5:45am: woke up after not really sleeping most of the night (been going through a bad bout of insomnia) and having especially crazy night terrors and yelling at people that weren’t there.
6:00 it is DARK in the morning you guys! I haven’t seen this side of 9am (unless it was because I staid up all night (see insomnia issues above) in a loooong time. I woke up early because between 630 and 7:00 someone is supposed to come and see my bike that I’m selling. (It makes me sad to sell it, we’ve been through a lot together, lots of rides, lots of getting hit by busses and cars and such). I told them I could meet with them Wednesday or Thursday OR Friday, but noooo they had to do it today, and early.
7:00: Put on my new valentine’s dress (it’s red and white and pink and cute) – they are not on time or early, surprise surprise
7:30: nope, not here
7:40: I have to leave my flat at 8 to catch a bus to catch a train to get to my dentist (he’s super cheap, but far away) so I call the guy that is supposed to be here and already buying my bike and of course, he doesn’t answer.
8:00: I leave, sorry bike. No one wants you.
8:10: watch the bus drive away as I try to dangerously hurtle across the road to get to it before it leaves. No luck.
10:00: Get to the dentist
11:00: waiting at the dentist
11:20: the dentist can see me now! I go through the joy of a root canal with a child-sized mouth that never seems to be able to open enough to appease any dentist. 4 shots of novocaine you guys, 4. I learn that I have to come back, and that he can’t make an appointment until May. Sheesh.
1:00: buy some paracetamol and codeine at Boots, and then go to get something for my dinner for one – I’m actually not minding it, I’m going to gets some nice wine and watch “Midnight in Paris” because it’s available to rent on 4od – I’ve sort of been looking forward to it all week. I go to M&S and ALL of their moderately priced wine is sold (well all moderately priced red wine – I don’t want anything but red wine, boooo). So instead I buy a one-portion container of pasta and look for a dessert.
1:20: standing in front of the dessert section genuinely thinking it would be better to buy a whole cheesecake and throw it all out except for one slice to avoid the embarrassment of so obviously buying a sad little v-day dinner for one.
1:30: I learn that paracetamol and codeine makes me feel very, very ill.
1:35: I suck it up. I buy one tiny little delicious slice in a cute little one-slice appropriate plastic container.
1:40: standing in line I say “screw it’ and decide to just try and be as miserable and pathetic as I can be. I mean, a valentine’s day that starts with a missed gumtree rendezvous and hurtles towards a painful, miserable root canal has the potential to be the worst. Lets make this happen! (I mean, other than, like, getting dumped or something – the worst I can make it on my own).
1:41: leave the line and grab a big thing of roses for myself, get back in line.
1:50 (it’s a long line): the clerk says “aw, someone is going to feel loved with these” and I look at him, and open my eyes as big as I can in a sad cat-lady manner and say “yes. YES. and that someone is ME. I am buying them for myself so I have something to look at while I drink my little wine (I ended buying a tiny one-glass bottle) and eat my little cheesecake. Alone.” (then I smile out of only one side of my mouth because of the novocaine). He gives me a double look, and sighs “oh love” and THEN (THEN you guys!) slips a three-pack of chocolate whips into my bag FOR FREE. Score. They are full of walnut marshmallow goo. Yummers.
2:30: Get home, “Midnight in Paris is no longer available.
5:00: Meet Wendy for coffee – nothing lame about this, Wendy is awesome
6:00: Go to a talk on mental illness. It is like some sort of Oprah Winfrey group therapy. Plus it lasts two hours.
8:00: decide I am not going to make it to “tums and bums” exercise class (who would be there on Valentine’s evening?) rush to the gym to just run – half way through realize I have eaten nothing today due to the dental work, and am subsisting on codeine and coffee. Feel weak, get off treadmill, wander into the swinging arm of an elliptical machine and get hit on the head. sit down with a heavy “thud” (I know this sounds like an exaggeration but it really happened). GO HOME to my sad little dinner.
(single serving portion sizes are the loneliest number) (and why yes, that IS my honorary Budweiser Beermaster certificate in the background!)
Oh, and my main was equally sad:
Not just a frozen pizza, a *weightwatchers* frozen pizza – extra pathetic!
The day was not an entire wash though, the lovely Wendy gave me some Nyquil (yay) and I got sent some wonderful e-cards from the wonderful Grant:
nice huh? I’m a lucky gal. Oh and this is my valentine for all of you:
and last, but not least – my favorite valentine ever: