Gwyneth Paltrow is a liar….. (sort of)…. (maybe?)

So, for those of you who are not aware of it, GOOP is this email/website/lifestyle thing that Gwyneth Paltrow does in order to share with us, the lesser off world, the wisdom and simplicity and altogether perfection that is her life as she knows it.  I’ve subscribed to these emails and never really found them helpful (no, I would not like to go on a two week fast, Gwyneth), until this one. I’ve been wanting to roast a whole chicken for sometime now, and haven’t had the time or patience to find a good recipe- this video clip, shows Gwyneth Paltrow easily (and with a bit of fun at that!) deboning a chicken.  I watched the video about ten times and decided that it was way easy, and that Gwyneth Paltrow (who considers this “fast food”) wouldn’t, after all, lie to me.  She was here to help! Right?

WRONG.

So, I buy the chicken from Trader Joe’s, pick the rosemary and thyme and sage from my very own front-yard garden and get to it.  I have my poultry shears, I scrub my chicken with salt and water, and here we go.  Wait…… which side is the backbone on? where exactly is the breast? Meh, I’ll cut it open- here we go! AAAHH! That doesn’t seem right- my chicken has lungs and ribs in his back? Let me watch that video again….ok, ok.. what?  Now, dear readers, here is the thing, although that video of Gwynnie Gwyn Gwyn in her kitchen looks lo-fi and homey, it must have been edited to shit, because it was no help to me for actually removing the bones.  I chopped and hacked at that chicken for 20 minutes, and finally decided that the backbone was gone (as was most of the chicken’s back). Now, on to the thigh bones, those are in the legs, right?  Now, to fully disclose and be fair to GOOP I had had some wine….more than some.  I was feeling very home-makery and Julia Child-ey and I could DO IT! So I get the bones with my shears, and the shears break.  I proceed to SNAP and  TEAR the thigh bone from the leg bone with my BARE HANDS! ROAR.  It was actually pretty awesome.  Then I proceeded to follow the rest of the recipe which was actually easy.  It turned out amazingly well, but the chicken looked a bit…..well, torn apart by my bare hands.  I highly, highly recommend this recipe – but also highly recommend you have the butcher remove the back and thigh bones for you (because they can do that!) Here is how I imagine Gwyneth’s looked:

and here is how mine looked:

But trust me, it tasted awesome.

Then, Grant and I played sleeveface, but we weren’t very good at it (I’m convinced you need at least three people to do this correctly):

plus I took some photos of Argus, the pug living with me (we have a love/hate relationship)

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~ by gakather on August 21, 2009.

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